Coping with Mother Rage

What is mother rage? What is the difference between anger and rage? And how can I cope? These are common questions circulating among mothers in various platforms, groups and other areas. The National Library of Medicine describes “mother rage” as a term growing in popularity referring to a mother’s experience of anger or rage during motherhood. Anger is a normal emotion that we all experience, it shows up when our boundaries are being pushed or our needs are not being met, and it is healthy to express this in safe ways so anger does not build up and accumulate in our body. Rage is a more intense form of anger that can feel uncontrollable and all consuming, this experience can be a result of “stuffing emotions”, unprocessed anger, and/or an intense warning sign that something is out of balance. When we have an experience of intense emotion it is important for us to seek the supports and resources we need, please find below a few suggestions to consider as well as additional information:

1. Pause and resource. Once you are able to notice you are in a moment of rage, it can be helpful to pause and see what you can immediately resource that could help you cope. Keep in mind part of the pausing may include allowing the rest of the emotion to move through your body until it dissipates. Resourcing may also include telling a partner to take over, going in a quiet area of the home to take a breath, or if possible going to the bathroom for a moment to splash some cold water on your face and hands to help you get grounded.
2. Compassion instead of criticism. When anger feels heard and validated, by someone else or yourself, it typically dissipates. It is important you do not beat yourself up because you have had an intense moment of anger/rage. Instead think of it as a warning sign of something you need to pay attention to. If your car had a warning sign on the dashboard you would not decide to smash and beat it up, but rather try to understand what is happening and figure out what steps you need to repair it. This is similar for us, first we want to understand what is happening inside and a good way to do this is to meet yourself with curiosity and understanding, and second we want to consider repair and finding ways to support the nervous system to settle which may include getting outside, listening music and moving your body, or taking a “deep breathing” break. For more in depth methods of coping, consider checking out last week's post about "Mind-Body Balance".
3. Seek support. As mentioned earlier in this blog article, anger can be a warning sign of boundaries not being respected or our needs being unmet. It is important once you are in a calmer place to reflect upon what you need, what is missing from your support system, what are some possible triggers, and what steps you can take to support yourself moving forward. Consider taking to a partner, or close friend, someone who you trust and is able to listen. Part of support may include finding parenting support or individual therapy/counselling. You do not need to go this journey alone, please reach out for support if you need it.

For some additional information about “mother rage” you can check out an article from: 1. Today’s Parent, 2. PsychCentral.

If you need additional support reach out to me, I am Nicole Levy, and I am here as your helping hand, let’s get started, book your complimentary initial consult today https://www.mindfulhealingjourney.ca/#/